I Want Your Sex is refreshing, intimate, and heartwarming. It challenges audiences to have a conversation about sex, relationships and desires in life. Gregg Araki is never trying to have a film about creating a healthy intimacy with a lover but a conversation about how to get there for yourself.

Gregg Araki, in a recent interview with Variety, said, “I’m in my 60s now. You’re gonna turn around and you’re going to be 40, 50 like that. Will you regret not taking a chance, venturing out of your house, risking getting hurt, getting confused, getting your heart broken? Go out on a bad date, have that bad relationship, have that bad girlfriend. Be in love with the wrong person. That’s fucking life! That’s growing up! That’s how you learn about yourself.” This went entirely viral online sparking not debate, but pitchforks of why he’s wrong, how it’s dangerous, and what he “really means” per random Twitter users. Typically, I’d never bring Twitter discourse into a written review, but given this quote is not only part of the plot of his latest film, but it’s a reason I personally deeply connected with it so much. As someone who found not so much herself, but an understanding and respect for herself, her desires, through a similar relationship type early in college, I Want Your Sex totally wrecked me. I’m not one for coming of age stories, but Araki and co-writer Karley Sciortino, a former sex columnist, earnestly explore the importance of self-discovery and self-acceptance through not only a relationship but exploring your sexual desires and preferences. The conversation of Gen Z and their own relationship with sex is actually the exact same conversation this film is having with its audience, which is important to note here as a conversation, never a lecture. 

Elliot (Cooper Hoffman) begins working for the provocative artist Erika Tracy (Olivia Wilde) and his entire world shifts. It’s not just the sexual relationship that develops between them but she challenges him as a person. Araki’s initial conception of Erika was a Madonna meets Robert Mapplethorpe hybrid, she’s pushing the boundaries not just through her art but her way of life. She has a fearless, larger-than-life presence (which Wilde delivers exceptionally well) and Elliot is attracted to that; he’s been not sheltered by life but by the way he lives his life. He hides into the background and refuses to speak up for himself; seeing the way Erika creates art and commands a room, he yearns to live his own life that way, he sees being with her in any capacity as a way to learn. When she talks to him one-on-one about missing his sexual prime, their relationship changes from boss/subordinate by adding on another layer of dominant/submissive. The change from Araki’s original idea of a male dominant makes this so much more interesting with the conversation of sexual prime with a female dom and male sub. While this will be different for everyone, women typically feel a sexual prime in their 30s as they grow more confident and accepting of themselves and their desires. 

I Want Your Sex thrives on the exploration not just of sexual desires but conversation of how you get to understand your own needs in life and how you express them. Elliot, like any young person having good sex with someone they’ve agreed is nothing more than sex, obviously falls head over heels, while Erika likes him in her own way but never that full blown love you experience when you know how to separate love and sex. The script is brilliant at balancing the tone of how this is a comedy but it’s truly moving, the failed threesome scene is brutal to watch but entirely endearing of just what sex is as you discover your true self and the romantic intimacy that can be built from sexual intimacy.

While some things don’t entirely work here, it pains me to say I could lose the entire Sunset Boulevard framing, yes that means Johnny Knoxville too, it is a really smart, challenging take on the conversation of sex within self-discovery. It’s easy to anticipate some people, those who refuse to engage with anything that makes them uncomfortable, will have a problem with the power dynamic between the two main characters. It’s not just that Erika is Elliot’s boss but that he has zero understanding of a dom/sub relationship, which is frowned upon by the community, and she’s manipulative with him every step of the way.  Elliot refuses to accept her boundaries of their relationship, he’s always wanting more.  

I found my understanding of my desires and where I wanted to be at some point with my self-acceptance through a similar type of relationship. The exploration of ‘coming-of-age’ in films has never really landed with me as a genre, yet when explored through the lens of sexual growth in a pure, unashamed manner, it feels transcendent and that’s exactly what Araki does. I Want Your Sex is refreshing, intimate, and heartwarming. It challenges audiences to have a conversation about sex, relationships and desires in life. Araki is never trying to have a film about creating a healthy intimacy with a lover but a conversation about how to get there for yourself.

Grade: B+

Oscar Prospects:
Likely: None
Should Be Considered: None

Where to Watch: In Select Theaters